Reflections on four weeks in two minutes...

.

The last four weeks have been a chore
- But they have been great fun.
To turn your gaze on your own life
And
See what can be done
Is...
Sometimes tough and challenging -
And it can make you cringe.
But new friends made along the way
Will let you have a whinge.
And most of all they will support and help you look again
And see yourself as others do:
"Not bad"..."With half a brain"...
And the best thing you can learn from this
Is:
We are all afraid.
And being scared
But doing "it"
Is how you become brave.

SO . . .

Thanks to all here.

Sometimes it takes others to light your path
Especially if you're carrying a bit of baggage!

23rd May 2013

Contributed by Jan Winter, a FOCUS Career Workshop participant

It's Show Time!

If you have noticed extra flowers in shop windows this week it is because it is Chelsea Flower Show time.

 

As an expat it has been quite difficult for me to understand the British passion for gardening. At school, gardening was considered a form of punishment, here in England gardening is a national pursuit. And Chelsea Flower Show, taking place every May, represents the apotheosis of gardening. Every year tickets are sold out well in advance. This year marking the 100^th year anniversary the tickets were gold dust and the show was packed like never before. 

Historically Chelsea Flower Show opens the season of social events in Britain. Followed by Wimbledon Tennis Championship, Ascot horse races, polo matches and so on, Chelsea Flower Show is the place to be and be seen in society. Ladies wear their best, and champagne and Pimm’s (an English gin-based summer drink) is served from 9am in the morning!  A member from the Royal Family usually visits on the first day. Queen Elizabeth II, the present monarch, is a great supporter ‘of the greatest flower show on earth’; even more so this year thanks to the involvement of her grandson Harry, who designed one of the gardens.

I am lucky enough to know a few of the exhibiting garden designers and I always manage to get a ticket and learn something new about gardening. This year my friend Freddie got me a ticket. As responsible grown ups we decided not to drink champagne before 10.30 (!). So in a true Chelsea Flower Show style we started with gossiping, catching up with news of
old and new friends. After a good coffee I was ready to face the gardens. Like any art form, I have learned the language of garden designing, trying to appreciate what makes a good garden or what makes banal or predictable use of plants and flowers. Chelsea Flower Show gives you the chance to broaden your mind, you really see it all! You have the chance to see original use of water fountains, colours, trees and installations of sculptures like you have never seen before. The gardens can be very large or very small. I would love to have some of them in my back garden. In front of some of the gardens there was a big crowd and I wondered what the attraction was. In some cases there was a big celebrity name behind the design or a famous sponsor. In the case of Prince Harry’s garden, I could not even approach the garden as there were so many people. On the other hand, some gardens had security guards protecting them so no one could approach them; in one case there was a really rare frankincense tree, in another garden there was a bonsai which the garden designer went to pick up personally in Japan and shipped back with a first class ticket. In yet another, there was an orchid which was guarded by 2 people.

Countries can present a garden and this year Best Show Garden at the 2013 RHS Chelsea Flower Show was awarded to Trailfinders Australian Garden presented by Fleming's. The gardens compete for recognition. There is a committee of judges who can award gold, silver-gilt or silver medal. There are so many rules and regulations. For instance one of the rules is that gnomes are not allowed in any garden. This year marks an exception where one garden was allowed gnomes, I suppose it is a chance every 100 years...and the judges are so strict, as soon as they notice an imperfection or a discrepancy they disqualify the garden or demote it.

My friend Freddie was only awarded Silver last year because two stones in the pavement were not meeting as they should have or something peculiar like that! This year he got Gold! You don’t win anything actually, but you can say you have a gold medal at RHS Chelsea Flower Show.  

The Great Pavilion dominates at the centre of the show; inside you can admire old varieties of flowers and plants as well as new species. It is a real feast for the eyes and for the nose.  This year in order to celebrate the 100^th anniversary one could admire reproductions of old photographs of the Chelsea Flower Show at the beginning of last century - a real treat. You could see fantastic dresses and hats. 

I really enjoyed myself this year. I have only one only regret:  I didn’t see the gnome.

Written by Ivette Laviola

www.rhs.org.uk

Becoming a Parent in the UK

After three years in London, I started to feel as if I understood some of London’s quirks. I had learned to carry an umbrella with me at all times, began to disregard weather forecasts, had a tube line suspended while I was a passenger, enjoyed a surprise sighting of The Queen and discovered a system to prevent foxes scattering my rubbish everywhere.  I was enjoying this new-found comfort with daily London life when I had to face a new challenge of unknowns in the UK…parenting.

When I was pregnant, everyone was incredibly helpful and had many opinions about things I should do, not do, join, not join and so on.  I knew it would be important to meet other new parents and get out of the house, but wasn’t sure where to begin.  Thankfully, every town in the UK is full of classes for babies, new parents and young children.  With everything from Mandarin playgroups, to Little Kickers football classes for babies, there are countless options available.

The most unanimously recommended first step was to join a National Childbirth Trust (NCT) antenatal class.  People kept saying, “Don’t do it for the class, do it for the people you will meet. “  Everyone (even strangers) were convinced that these fellow expectant mums would become my closest friends for at least the next three years. I have to say as an expat, some of the information in the classes was actually quite helpful and informative – learning about different approaches to childbirth and different options available in the UK was invaluable. I did however look around at the other women in the class and wonder what role they would play in my life as a mother. 

I tend to be a bit shy and guarded and though each person in the class was very nice, I just wasn’t sure how this magical bond everyone talked about was going to happen. When we met up outside of class for the first time, I told my husband I would be back in an hour or so.  He seemed sceptical.  “They’re all very nice, but…I just don’t know what we’ll really have to talk about,” I said as waddled out the door.  Much to my surprise, I returned home over four hours later.  Once left to our own devices, we talked about the ups and downs of pregnancy, confessed in those final days to Googling ‘signs of labour’ too many times and would meet up every week in smaller and smaller numbers, wondering which of us would be the last to meet our tiny sidekicks. 

Needless to say these individuals have become an integral part of my life with a baby in London.  I’m so grateful to have friends to attend Monkey Music classes with, lament the challenges of teething, introducing solids, helping babies deal with jet lag and countless other issues.  Each week, there is a new revelation that someone else’s child had a tooth that was coming through only to disappear, has all of a sudden stopped eating their favourite food or has given up a second nap.   Motherhood has been yet another way to experience and get to know London and I’m so grateful to be exploring this new frontier with other parents who are experiencing life and London in a new way, even if they have lived here for their entire lives.  

Written by Erin Northey

For more information on FOCUS, please visit www.focus-info.org

Bank Holiday - Sun, Sea and Salt

I’ve been living in London for over 20 years now, and so the month of May with its two Bank Holiday weekends is a bit of a treat.  We often have a dilemma about what to do for the long weekends, as good weather is never a guarantee. 

This past weekend, though, my brother-in-law was visiting from Italy and wanted to go to Colchester to see some of his friends.  Taking him there was the perfect excuse for us to take a day trip via the Essex coast.  Leading up to Sunday, all eyes were on the weather forecast, and fortunately, it turned out to be a stunning day!

Initially we had to cross London from west to east, providing a tour of all the famous London sites en route.  Eventually we made it to the A12, the motorway leading to Essex.  Our first stop was Maldon.  Maldon is a small town on the coast, most famous for producing Maldon Sea Salt.  On the day we were there, there was also the Maldon Mud Race (http://www.maldonmudrace.com), a race for charity through the local mud flats!

From Maldon we carried on to Tiptree.  Tiptree is famous for Wilkins & Sons Ltd (http://www.tiptree.com), the company renowned for jams, marmalades and other products made from fruit and vegetables grown on the Tiptree farms. For over 300 years this family run company has been producing delicious condiments, and there is a small museum on-site with relics from its long history.  There is also a tea room and a shop where you can stock up on the more unusual products that aren’t available in your local grocery store. 

We then made our way down to West Mersea, technically an island (when the tide is high) on the Essex Coast.  Our destination was the West Mersea Oyster Bar (http://www.westmerseaoysterbar.co.uk/).  This very simple ‘fish & chips’ restaurant on the water, with views of the creeks of Mersea, was absolutely heaving with people on what was proclaimed to be ‘the hottest day of the year so far’.  We managed to find a table outside, ordered our food, and then sat in bliss admiring the scenery, watching the people and soaking up the sunshine.  When the food arrived, we were left in awe.  My husband had oysters, which he claimed tasted like the sea.  The kids had fish and chips, which were amazing, and the portions enormous. We also had prawns, scallops and lobster which were very delicately cooked and absolutely delicious.  This place is a gem!

After filling our bellies, we proceeded to our final destination:  Colchester, Britain’s oldest recorded town.  There is a 2,000 year old castle (although currently closed for renovations) with beautiful grounds and parklands, as well as many other cultural activities (http://www.visitcolchester.com).  Unfortunately we arrived too late in the day and most places were closed, so we could only view the town by walking around.  

After a full day of touring we made our way back home, completely satisfied with seeing a part of England that we hadn’t previously visited, and with the added bonus of glorious weather!

By Eva Stock

For more information on FOCUS, please visit www.focus-info.org     

Real London: My first half-term as a working mother in London

Real London: My first half-term as a working mother in London: Holidays in the British school system are organized differently from mainland Europe; instead of having a very long summer holiday,...

My first half-term as a working mother in London

Holidays in the British school system are organized differently from mainland Europe; instead of having a very long summer holiday, here in Britain we have a ‘medium size’ summer and many shorter breaks throughout the year.  It took me some time to adjust to this new rhythm when my young daughter joined the local nursery. I remember constantly crying out “What again!” every time I found out there was another half term on the horizon. However, now that I have a job and the ‘little one’ is going to school, it is a different matter; we need to keep working / studying and to carry on.

I would like to share briefly what has really helped me in this new phase of my life: 

1. Plan ahead - It is never too early to plan ahead in London. My sister in Italy just laughs when I tell her that we start planning for Christmas in August, but planning what to do during half terms, Christmas and Easter holidays is vital because airplane tickets, play centres and organized days out get booked very early.

2. Variety - In my opinion, the main aim of half term is to recharge, both for parents and children, and you can achieve that by both resting and by doing fun things. They say that change is as good as a rest. Although I still had to work through part of the holiday it was good for me to have a different daily routine, instead of taking my daughter to early breakfast club, it was refreshing to take her to a new play centre and meet new people.  Ideally I split the break in half; one half we go abroad or do exciting or demanding activities, the other half we do things like reading, watching some TV, or taking out old toys. Or we just play at being tourists in London.

3. London calling - There are so many things to see, to do and explore in London. As expats, when we arrive in London it is easy to fall in love with everything there is on offer. As the daily routine takes over we take for granted what a fantastic place London is.  We know there is a fantastic museum somewhere in the east, or a unique exhibition we ought to visit,  but when half term is approaching we just want to escape to the sun somewhere exotic and we postpone that visit.  This half term the little one and I visited the Museum of London – it was fantastic! We usually go to the Science Museum and it took some persuasion to convince her to visit something new. I just told her we were going to see a show at lunch time, and we arrived a bit earlier to visit the surroundings. Many museums in London are very active in organizing children’s or educational programmes throughout the year and especially during school holidays they compete with each other in delivering outstanding shows and workshops. As most museums in London are free, making a donation at the end of the visit is part of theroutine of our trip. The little one was born here, so she takes all of this for granted.

 

4. Play dates and sleepovers - Aargh!!! You can’t avoid them, so you better face them as early as possible. Like anything else, book in advance and plan ahead. If your child wants to have a play date with a special friend you need to check with the parents in advance to see if they are going to be around. And absolutely do not do not plan a party during school holidays as many children won’t be in town and your child is going to be very disappointed!

5. The future - Only four weeks to go until the next half term. There is no better time than this to plan. I also like to save some extra money just for school holidays because it seems I have to produce more ‘treats’ and ‘rewards’, and because we have more opportunities for shopping.

I am sure my life as a working mum would be easier with the support of close family here in the UK; however, now that I have established a trusted network around me, school holidays are not so daunting anymore and I look forward to next one.

By Ivette Laviola

For ideas and suggestions of activities for children, please refer to the FOCUS website:  www.focus-info.org